NaNoWriMo and Screaming Into The Void

I have decided recently that I am going to stop planning my future.  That’s not to say that I won’t save money for a rainy day or contribute to a retirement fund.  I’m going to stop trying to answer the question, “where do you see yourself in five years?” I’m going to stop chasing after jobs I will never get.  Stop looking up houses on Zillow and fantasizing about a future that might not happen. Let’s face it. It’s pretty risky for most people to be making big financial decisions right now. We could be living in a zombie apocalypse come January.  For right now, I think I will stay where I am and focus on what I can control.  It’s where I might need to be. 

I think I will write a book this month.

For those of you who don’t know, I will give the obligatory breakdown of what NaNoWriMo is. The goal is to write 50,000 words during November or one novel. This will be my first time participating even though I have never finished a book before. Usually, there is the initial phase of excitement where I can visualize the whole story, and it’s brilliant. After I start, I get overwhelmed and plagued by self-doubt. What if it isn’t good enough?

To help me get ready, my very supportive boyfriend and I made a beer.  We spent probably one of the last warm Saturdays brewing the base of a coffee stout. I say we, but J had insisted that I make the beer with him guiding me through it so I could have the naming rights. After a full day of bouncing around several names (some decent and some weird), I decided to call it “Screaming Into The Void” because that’s what writing feels like.

Perhaps I am afraid of finishing my story. What if there is no amount of editing that will fix it? This is when I feel like I have hit a wall face first. The cursor tauntingly blinks back at me. The blank document seems to symbolize my life; empty. Everyone calls themself a writer. What makes me any different? 

The coffee I chose is my favorite brand, Death Wish. The company boasts that it’s the world’s strongest coffee. It’s a dark roast with chocolate notes and pretty expensive compared to other coffee brands. I only buy it for special occasions. Their Facebook is pretty funny though. 

I chose a coffee stout because there was a study I had read about several years ago that concluded, on average, two units of alcohol can help free the creative process. People in a buzz-like state can become relaxed enough to think more outside of the box. The other half of the study stated that two units of caffeine make a writer more productive. I am not saying I will be spending the whole month drinking the five gallons of beer we made. Any more than two units, I’ll be crying at 2:00 AM about how much I miss my grandmother while having a sudden craving for tacos. 

The future has too many unknown variables. If I eliminate the fantasy of possibly publishing it and releasing it to universal acclaim, I might get through this. I have to fight the urge to edit while I write or reread my progress before I have typed the 50,000 words. I need to keep going, no matter how bad it is.  I need to write something even if I hit my wall. In the end, it may be terrible. It may never get published. That’s why I can’t think about the future and will need to write a book for the sake of writing it. 

This is not a miracle elixir to cure writer’s block. The beer and coffee will be added to my stash of snacks with the hope that it can help me during the next 30 days. I have all of the tools I need to accomplish what I want to accomplish, a story idea that I think is pretty cool and time. I only need to get out of my way.